Day 81

A Monday-back to school after a break-not the best of all days. I was tired. I wanted to go home. The usual. I just realized there wasn't much to say from yesterday's post about Saturday and stuff. All you have to know is I feel like an uber stalker and everything else is pretty much...indescribeable. So let's just move onto today.

To avoid any bad influence tomorrow, I'm not going to breakfast. I AM GOING TO CLASS EARLY ! YES, UBER EARLY. Well...I don't want her asking about all my absences...so maybe like just on time ? That should work ): But I got started on my Calc hw...well got started copying. Bad, yea I know. But the problems were okay. The textbook shit looked icky though. I won't make this a habit again, I swear. Ah yes, AP Bio. The one class I was looking forward to 'cause I did my friggin' outline. But he didn't collect it. How gay -__-" But yea. Like about 10 minutes into the period, seefut texted me. "Math hw?" HOW'D HE KNOW !? I really was doing my math hw :x There was one point where he turned back, I looked up and we just...smiled at each other. Total "aww" moment, no ?

Yea, later on in the double period, we get into our groups. THANKGOODNESS my group did something today. We split up the work and I have to do the cell structure of fungi. Should be easy, right ? It seems to be the easiest topic but still...with the failing streak I have and my whole not-understanding-the-textbook, I have no idea how I'm going to pull this off. But I shall do my best ! I hope I don't make my group's grade suffer, just mine. But then again...ugh. I hate AP Bio :/ We got our quizzes back today and I totally failed with a 50. It was better than my test score, actually. And seefut ? A godly 110 ): ! Stupid Andy kept asking me what I got and perked his curiosity. Andy seemed to be enjoying himself with making fun of me -__- I asked him what he got, since he wasn't bragging about his grade. "Higher than you, for sure." Bitch. This is why I dislike people in my AP Bio class. Most* people (: He didn't say anything, he just laughed. Personally, I'd laugh too. And I was :x I'm so smooth LOL

THE GREATEST THING HAPPENED NEXT CLASS. Like, I swear I think it's a miracle. I passed my very first Calc exam ! With a 68 !  I know I shouldn't set my standards so low and i shouldn't be too happy over a 68, but c'mon ! With my failing streak, this is an improvement ! I was really a tad bit disappointed it wasn't higher but I was so ecstatic that I didn't care too much. I still feel like a stalker. I know his schedule, perfectly. I don't now where the classes are exactly, but I know what classes he has. I think that's enough for me. At least now I kinda know why I don't see him much during the school day.

Oh yes, Peach. I have no idea what's going on with him and what's not going on with him. This week is HIV/AIDS week. So all we did was sit there in the gym and talk about AIDS. I could've sworn we were like glancing at each other out of the corners of our eyes. Seriously. We divided up into groups of...8 or 9 ? We we worked on a worksheet, that was all. No, he wasn't in my group. It just feels weird...I still feel shy around him. No progress at all. Unlike seefut. I know so many things that I don't think I should know, given such a short amount of time. I mean, sn and number in less than a week ! I am good ~

Okay, I think you're all pretty sick of me going on and on about this seefut. I think I'll stop for now, it's getting late-ish. I still need to shower and finish up my Calc hw, start my USH hw and outline my AP Bio presentation. I think that should be it. Screw English. I have a slight excuse for not getting the homework. I heard there was a quiz today. Whatever. Her quizzes are stupid anyways.

Gonna get off my computer now. I think I should get home early tomorrow and do that Bio shit ): But I'm seeing Vicky tomorrow ! Maybe after ct, I'll go hang somewhere near my house ? Or we'll stay in ct but leave early ? idk. Well, byebye for now (: !

-AK.

Day 80

Look ! An update in less than a week ! Yay me. I mean, I would've updated sooner and stuff but I kinda didn't get home til midnight yesterday from shopping and I was too lazy to update at 1AM on Friday. Yea, for the past two days I went to bed hungry and late-like almost 2 in the morning !

So...Friday, I think I already updated. Oh, but I didn't update Friday night/Saturday morning ! Yea, so I have a coolass nickname now. Thanks to this beloved person named Vicky Qian. I shall call him seefut from now on. It totally work. No one knows what the heck I'm talking about-that's the whole point ! But yea, I was talking to him over AIM Friday night from like...9-ish to whenever we signed off. I think it was like 1:30 ? Or almost 2. We we just talking about how much we hate our bio teacher. And i was ranting about math. And just...connecting, I guess ? Although he makes me feel like such a damn stalker for asking lots of...stuff. Let's just say right now, I know where he lives-not the exact location !-but I still know, roughly. Then my dad woke up at around 1:30-ish and he kinda scolded me. That's why I got off. Then I quickly asked for his number so that I could text him. I assumed he had unlimited text and he told me he did. Yay. But I forgot that I was in the middle of talking about my math teacher and he asked me, "Your teacher asks for numbers?" Oh damn, real smooth, right ? But he gave it to me and I signed off on him, LOL. (When I got back on the next morning, I saw a couple of offline IMs "you get my number and sign off ? stalker !" Yea, made me smile.) We texted until we felt like going to sleep-not long, just like 20-30min ? He said good night first. I was happy.

So, Saturday comes along. I'm headed for Woodbury with my family and my dad's friend and her sister-in-law. It was fun-the shopping. I got myself a jacket, a vest and a pair of new converse. I was pleased (: ! And throughout the day, I was busy texting almost non-stop. Almost. Yes, I couldn't stop texting my two, I guess you can say two, loves. Vicky, of course is one. And I guess seefut is another ? I don't know. I get this totally cliche feeling when I read a text from him.

It's late, and it's a long story. Well, sort of. My dad's kinda pissed off I spent so much time on the computer today. Not my fault, entirely. I'll try to come back in the morning to update. For now, byebye ?

-AK. ♥

12841.) Would you mind if I sat next to you and watched you smile?

1128b.) For the first time in months, I went to sleep with a stupid smile all 'cause you said good night.

1128a.) You got me waitin' by the phone for a simple "goodnight."

11584.) We would be cute together.

Would we really ?

11604.) I wish I knew how to make you cheer up when you feel like crap, but I don't.

11647.) It makes me sad when I see a secret that I know is so true for me, but I wish it weren't.

2701.) I want to tell you how I feel about you. But, I'm afraid of the outcome. I wish I had the guts to say "I like you."

11711.) I dislike the people that say 'I love you' all the time. Those three words were meant to be special. Now it isn't.

11716.) I use to make fun of those girls who got way to caught up in liking someone, thinking it was completely overrated and dramatic... Then I met you.

Day 78 - a lazy one

Damn, I feel like such a fattie today. All I did was eat, sit at the computer, eat some more, and became lazy all day. Well, it's a day off so I guess it's all good. Tomorrow is homework day. The day after is shopping day. That concludes my break ): This break's not even over yet and I'm already looking forward to Christmas break.

Not much happened today. I went to bed sometime before 2:30AM but woke up at random intervals during the morning. Like 6:35AM, 7:30AM, and 9:10AM. I finally got my lazyass out of bed at 9:47AM. I stayed in my PJs all day-still wearing them, the pink ones LOL. Other than dishes, I don't think I did any chores, really. Uh, homework is a no-go. My butt probably got bigger. Now Vicky will taunt me

I guess that pretty much wraps up my day ? I got OD new piano music from Katharine and decided to check out this new song, Loveless by Yamashita Tomohisa, on JPop and it's...good. I feel obsessed with it. The piano music/ bg music is really nice. 'Cept the MV is ultra sad ): Tomorrow, I am not only going to work on my homework, I'm going to work all this excess fat off. And every day after that. Hopefully I don't lose momentum and keep it up >;o !

Yea...that's it ? More secrets later, LOL. Vicky got me addicted, so go blame her ♥ !

-AK.

11765.) whenever i read something about love i think of you.

"and i know that if you ever found this out, you would be so weirded out, because we don’t even really know each other. but i can’t help it. you’ve had me since the day you walked into class. since then you’re all i think about. i just wish there was some way of telling you, without sounding weird."

11773.) If I could only have one wish, I just wish that he could be on the same path as I am.

11779.) I wish I was a little bit taller.

Right Vicky !? ):

11793.) I haven’t known you for very long, but you make me so happy.

I kinda took out the last two sentences of this secret. I have a reason for that. It was too extreme for my case. Way too extreme, in my opinion.

11804.) I wish you could feel once what I feel on a regular basis. Then maybe you would understand.

11842.) Everytime I see a picture of a really cute, happy couple I do 2 things.

"I knock on wood and hope they never break up. And hope and wish that someday I’ll be with someone in a picture like that and some other wishful hopeful romantic will knock on wood for me and my special someone."

11850.) I've never touched you and I've never kissed you, but even if your across the country, I miss you. I miss you enough that I can hear your voice and can imagine you with me.

11855.) I miss you.

Quite simple.

11900.) I check myself out in every reflective surface I pass.

LOL. Okay, now don't lie to me. You know you've done it before. To be honest, I do too LOL.

11912.) I am not sure of anything in my life. I don't know which way to go.

This kinda sounds................sad O_O ? Or just confused, maybe.

i can't believe it.

I really am the stereotypical girl. I wouldn't get off my computer until we said good night. I was considering signing off at 1:30, but he came back to answer me when I asked what he was buying tomorrow.

We talked. Said good night. I said good night, sweet dreams, and told him not to get trampled on tomorrow. Holy shits. I'm terrible.

It's too quick. I'm rushing. Tomorrow, no computer (not like he's gonna be on anyways), homework, and chores ! I'm busy tomorrow, yes. I hope my parents aren't home on Saturday too. I finished my chores last Saturday and did "nothing" on Sunday and my dad bitched. I mean, I did chores on Saturday for a reason-so I wouldn't have to worry about it on Sunday when I have homework. They just seriously don't understand.

Well, I'm tired-ish. I'm not buying anything tomorrow...er, today so I'ma sleep. And dream. OH, did I mention I had like 2-3 different ideas today !? Yes, I might write them over Christmas brak if not this break-od hw, ya feel me ?

Til then !

-AK.

11930.) He once told me that he reads my bulletins. Ever since then, I try to add little hints in them to let him know that I like him hoping he would say something about it.

11946.) I'm terrified scared to say it but I really might be kinda crazy in love with you, sort of.

Damn, I really feel like the stereotypical girl "in love" right about now.

11975.) I couldn't tell if the other day you kept looking at me because we like eachother, or because you were surprised at how gross I looked in a bikini. It seemed like you were looking in my eyes, but my insecurities are driving me crazy!

This one kinda made me laugh too.

11976.) I think my crush pretends to like me so people think he's not gay.

I laughed.

11984.) Sometimes I don't sleep at night. I blame it on my self-diagnosed insomnia but when I'm awake at night, its like I have the whole world in my hands. Its the perfect time to dance around in underwear and sneak ice cream with my fingers, and most importantly, there's no one there to tell me I'm doing something wrong. Spending time with yourself is the best gift anyone can ever ask for.

12019.) You're so cute, and I see you every day and you see me, and I'm too scared to tell you how I really feel.

12024.) I'm actually peering through the glass behind you.

Do you remember, Vicky ? (:

secret ?

I was considering of posting one or two secrets from that site that I so love. But then it'd be pointless now wouldn't it ?

I've submitted a total of two secrets on that site. So far, not a single one has shown up. In a way, I'm glad for that. In a way, I'm also sad.

I won't say anything now-it's too early in the game to. It'll be too obvious. Let's just end it here.

I'm hungry.

-AK.

Day 77 - Happy Thanksgiving !

First, let me begin with a Happy Thanksgiving to all of you ! Thankful for something ? Good, you better be. I sure am. I'm thankful for m dad who gave me tickets to see Show Luo / Ala Luo (same person, ya know ?) and allowed me to miss Thanksgiving dinner. Not usually what you hear, right ? Well, after yesterday's little...thing, it's normal I guess.
So, who is this Show Luo I'm talking about ? To be honest, I have no idea either. But after today, I think he got himself a new fan-sorta. That conceited(in my opinion) Taiwanese singer/actor/dancer/other stuff. Just 'cause I call him conceited don't mean I'm a hater and not a fan. Nope, not at all. I like his dancing. It's awesome. Even tho he seems kinda old. He's like freakin' 30 :x But he doesn't look like it, I swear ! I thought he was at least...25 ? Or somethin'. But I probably won't talk about him too much today-just gonna post up some pics I found online. The concert pics is...quite a lot. I think I have like 90 photos. It's all on Facebook if you're interested. Other than that, you'll have to ask me for them :P ? I'm so lazy. Ah well.

His most recent album: Trendy Man. (I totally got that from Wikipedia)

Show off ): !

Don'tcha like that smile (: ?

Okay, that was a little bit of fangirly-ness on my side (sike). Let's move on ! Other than sleeping most of the day and going to the concert, not much happened today.

Let's talk about yesterday (oh, dear). It was kind of...a bad day ? I had a quiz in AP Bio that I totally did not study for. I guess it's bad of me cause yesterday was the last day of the MP. I should've studied, so I can pass. But I was so absorbed in my Calc stuff-yea, I had a test on that the next period-that I didn't bother studying for AP Bio. If I pass Calc and fail Bio, then I'll at least know why I'm failing, right ? Riight.

So, as I was sitting in my Bio class, I hear some of the chatter around me-and after someone gave me a fucking cold shoulder-I realized something. The types of people in my class are mostly two-faced or, a buncha bitches, really. They only talk to you when they have no one to talk to, or to seem cool 'cause they think they know everyone. They always ask you for answers and shit but never help you in return. You can't trust people like this. I sort of learned the hard way that you can't trust classmates too easily. I think after taking the quiz, that and this whole thing just made me...die a bit on the inside.

But remembering I have friends who care kind of made that feeling go away. I don't need them. If they're only using me, what's the point ? They can look for someone else to screw with. But I can't judge everyone in that class so quickly. I said most, not everyone. Yes, yes, I'm talking about Jackie Lee. Yea, he switched his seat 'cause the teacher thought he was cheating with this other dude(no, not that way. Totally no homo :[ ). He told me he got his seat changed 'cause he got a zero or something on a test ? I don't know-I didn't want to press. But yea, he seems genuine. Keyword: seems. I saw him yesterday at breakfast ! Like, two minutes before the beginning of first period-BUT STILL. I am not obsessed. Yet. Don't worry, Peach is still here to stay. But I will be looking into Mr. Lee. (I need a nickname for him. Even though his name's out-I still want a cool nickname. LOL. Any suggestions ? FML, if anyone on Facebook-who knows him-sees my blog)

Let's pass Calc. The test was okay. I got most of the questions but as always, I'm full frustrated at myself for not reviewing the RRAM and MRAM. Ugh, that one was worth 10 points. Four parts and I only did one. Bright side is that is was one of the partial credit questions. Yay. Gym. It was the final day for testing and Peach was one of the 7 or 8 seniors watching for mistakes. THANKGOD I already went. The first day of testing, he wasn't doing anything so it's all good. Hell, if I knew he was looking for mistakes, I would've failed. Valeria told me that Simeon and I passed. Yay ! Oh, and we have indoor track next MP. Ugh. Beats outdoor, I guess. I remember I went out last MP of the second semester last year, with my dang allergies.

It's getting late-only 10:30PMish. I need to go shower before my parents get home. Yes ! I finally have the whole house to myself, like ALL BY MY FREAKIN' SELF. No sibs, no parents. It's freakin' heaven. And I'm wasting that time on the computer. Oh well. I'ma be home all day tomorrow with sibs anyways. My plans for tomorrow: finish chores early, homework ! And occasionally computer. I need to change my layout for this blog, get a new one/set one for my Xanga-if I decide to use it, and update other stuff I have. Yea, tomorrow's Black Friday and I'm staying home. No freakin' way am I going out tomorrow with zero cash. The sales will be tempting...

Time to shower ! I might be back later ? byebye.

-AK.

12042.) I wish I was more mysterious.. I want people to wonder what I do outside of school.

Day 76

My mom is being an overly dramatic ranting machine at this moment. So this'll be extremely quick.

This is my current aim status.

"i was happy i had a break from school,
from work, from drama, from bullshit.
but it's worse at home.
i have to face so much at home.
they just don't know it.
making one simple problem into a big issue.
for what reason ? tell me,
what the fuck do you get out of making me miserable, as well as yourself ?"

She just...ticks me off at the wrong times, with the wrong reasons. I mean, if she had better timing and reasoning then maybe, just maybe I'd listen to her. I just don't get how one little thing had to be made into a big fuss. She's acting as if I committed a fucking murder or like I just disowned her, which technically is impossible. All I did was defend myself. All I did was just give her a piece of my mind, just a piece. All I wanted to do was to let her know that I already know what was coming out of her mouth and I didn't want to hear it a second time, especially since it was a small issue. Like, honestly ? She's bringing up that issue of me and Carol not sharing with my brother. It's stupid, right ? We buy stuff with our hard-saved money and she's bitching at us for it. Well, Brian has spending money too. He can buy stuff too. So, why bitch at us ? It's not like we stole from him. It's not like we abuse this family or anything. Why make a big deal out of a couple of freakin' cookies ?

And now, because I spoke up, for the first-or maybe second-time in my life, she's crying. Yes, I made my mother cry. I am sinned for life. And when I try to apologize, she just keeps going on and on and on and on about how we're the worst out their. We're the worst and there's more to come. Now, she wants to make me cry. I'm having a bad school year, a not-so-great-life compared to the past. And what has she done for me ? She hasn't even been there for me. I was hoping I can at least confide to her when I'm down, or when my grades aren't so hot or anything. But what has she done ? Just totally bitch at me, about how I should be ashamed of my poor grades and behavior.

Tonight, I will reinvent myself. For this family's sake. And if all doesn't work out, well...you won't hear from me again. I'll lock myself away for good. They make me afraid. Afraid of what, you ask ? Just afraid in general. They make it impossible for me to trust them. This family of backstabbers. This might be nothing compared to some families out there, but it's still rough. I just wish she'd stop being childish, listen and hear out to my apology and just forgive me.

It reminds me of that one time she was uber pissed at me and my sister. (Note: she's always mad at the daughters but never mad at the son, no matter what the freak he does. Playing favorites, are we ?) We both tried apologizing to her. We were totally going to sit down and apologize, forgive and forget the whole stupid thing. But no, she just ignored us completely when we were trying to be mature and fix our mistakes. For a role model, she's not doing such a good job. It's almost as if she's blaming us.

I think I've had enough of this depressing post. Be back later, if anything ? Oh, I was happy to be going to a concert tomorrow and now I'm ecstatic. I don't have to see her at my dad's friend's house tomorrow. She'll only bring this up again. I feel sympathy for my sister tomorrow but she's more mad at me than my sister...so Carol will survive.

I'm outs.

-AK.

Day 75

Day 75

Okay, today is...Tuesday ! Boy, do I have loads to update. It's been too long, too much has happened. Well I would've updated yesterday but this thing called volunteering held me up and this other thing called homework and family prevented me form going on the computer. Sadly, I shouldn't be on right now 'cause of my Calc test tomorrow but here I am updating. I'm also in the process of making a review sheet-yea, I really am-while typing this post when my hand hurts from writing. And while I'm on AIM studying with Hung. Damn, I better pass this one.

So let's go by dates ? I mean, I guess I'll still write in the present form of NOW, but I'll keep the dates there so you won't get confused of which day the events are happening. Sound fair ? Okay. Let's just say, loads happened. I will finish this post before I go to sleep !

Monday, November 23, 2009

 So, a typical Monday-right ? Quite the opposite, really. All the teachers were rushing to...teach cause of the short week. I mean, it's a three-day week and the MP was ending the day right before break ! So, on the first day, my Calc and Bio teacher already gave me the homework assignments for the break. Well, can't expect anything less from an AP class, can ya ? Oh, and I failed my gazillonth Bio test. 17 right out of 43. Not including the short answers. Although even if I got full points on the short answers, I still fail. How sad is that ? Oh yes, and this dude in my AP Bio class added me on Facebook and I was kinda...confused ? I think I remember seeing his Facebook somewhere. I think in the "People You May Know" thing, or I was stalking LOL. I aint a creeper. But I remember him, kinda. Before he added me...he had this thing...I don't know. I felt something odd. Like he was one of "those" people ? Like this girl I kinda dislike in my AP Bio class. Yea, long story. But I thought he was one of them so I kinda gave him the cold shoulder before befriending him, and without people knowing. I'm stupid, I know. LOL. But yea, he added me, and we just confirmed that he was in my Bio class. Then the next day, which was Monday, he said hi to me in class. Odd, I expected him to be like every other Asian-like myself-add someone on Facebook, and like never talk to them. But he said hi as if we were...good friends or something, LOL. I sound so hostile :X Please, forgive me T^T ? I don't want bad karma. But yea, moving on. How did I feel during this ? A tad bit of shock, but nothing else ? Don't worry, Peach, you're still here-I just don't see you as often or as long as I'd like.

P.E. was so bad. I mean, my group was group 2 and we went within the first day. So while the first group was going, my group and I sat in the far right corner. Peach was sitting in that corner too, but we made absolutely no eye contact and no...other contact at all. Like a bunch of strangers, while I wanted to be so much more. Argh, wth ? Yea, I'm wondering too ): ! But when my group had gone, I thought we'd all passed. The opposite happened. D'Augusta was very...harsh on mistakes this time and we got over 5 mistakes each o somethin'. And the rest of the day was bleh.

Oh, I saw Vicky and Albert Mei at Dekalb ! I was on my way to volunteering and the Manhattan bound side, when I hear someone yell out my name. Before I could figure out who the voice belonged to, I was tackled by Vicky and I see Albert accompanying her. We had a nice little "catching up" chat. I can't believe he remembered the penguin thing. I mean, according to Vicky, he forgot about me for like a good 10-15 minutes but here he is, remembering a little insider. Mr. Stubby Fingers, LOL. I never even noticed til Vicky pointed it out. I guess this pretty much sums up my Monday.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

So, today comes along. I was really supposed to go to English today, honest ! But...bad influences around me...kinda changed my mind. But I promise to go tomorrow, definitely ): ! Oh yea, I had asked the dude in my AP Bio class, Jackie Lee, for his bio hw only 'cause the stupid table was...stupid. So, I asked for his homework and I was actually looking around for him when I walked into class. Usually, he's always in his seat already but he wasn't there til a little bit before the bell rang today. But he came straight to my desk and I just grabbed the homework to him while grinning the whole time. Hey, I said thank you ! I have manners =o ! So I'm like copying it during class, and at some point, he looks back and motions that he wants his homework back. I just finished copying it and I tried to call for Leath to give it to him, but he just got up, walked to the back and got it form me. That made me feel like a lazy, fat, bitch ):

Nothing much happened the rest of the day. I got what was going on in Calc, more or less, I think I failed the Physics dept. test, didn't see Peach, went to Atlantic Mall and returned my shit and got $27 back. Yay, now i have money. I'm thinking about waiting til December 1st before making a return trip to VS. Then Subways-man, I haven't been there in a while-with Triple L. I had fun, I had food, I was full, I happy. So simple, right ? Well, I'm a simple person with simple needs. If you get them, that is.

So, why am I mentioning this dude so much ? I don't know. When I told Vicky about him adding me on FB and then saying hi, she automatically assumed "secret admirer." I'm just shaking my head and smiling at the same time. Now, I'm not so sure. I think I'm assuming wrong and I should stop and just...let whatever happens just happen. But even though I didn't talk to/about Peach much, he's still here. Not talking/conversing with 'im but still here. Hopefully.

Yea, I'm just babbling now. Calc test tomorrow. I feel sleepy And kinda hungry. Concert on Thursday ! Home Friday ? I don't know. Upstate on Sunday ! So I gotta do my homework Friday and Saturday ? That sounds about right.

So, wish me luck with all this shit, and good night ~

-AK.

whoas.

How time flies, almost Thanksgiving ! Finally ! Well, I don't really have the time to update at this very moment but I promise that the next time I'm on my computer-which'll probably be Friday-I'll give ya a full update, kay ?

OH, and Vicky, I'll explain about that later. It's an old flame I guess ? And yea, I miss you being my life too.

Well, Calc test on Wednesday and that Physics test tomorrow. Wish me luck ~ !

-AK.

12066.) I want to kiss you in the rain. Just once.

12086.) I keep wishing for you to come back and tap on my window in the middle of the night so I can sneak you into my house like I used to. I stay up late, anxiously waiting.

In a way, this is kinda sweet and sad. I might tinker with this idea...and maybe...

12101.) Its really depressing when your totally & irrevocably in love with someone, but it turns out that your feelings are unrequitted because of a two year age difference.

I think this is a tad bit extreme for me. ;p

12106.) "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost

12158.) It's always you in my big dreams.

12171.) I'm 19 years old and I still sleep with my teddybear.

"The way you look at me makes me wonder if we could be"

I would post the rest of the secret, BUT it sounds too emo. So, no ty.

12201.) Mum says she's proud of how much I've studied for my exams. I haven't studied. I just make it look like I am when I hear her coming down the corridor.

I laughed. That is so me, except she never tells me she's proud. Quite the opposite, every day actually.

12204.) Sometimes my logic over rules my emotions.

12218.) It's easy to slap a smile on my face, make me laugh, and make me love, but tell me please, what's the definition of being happy?

This is getting a tad bit addicting. maybe I should stop.
OH, expect a new layout on...Friday ? I sorta realized the current one is pretty darn hard to read, no matter how much I like it.

I like this style, but not really the colors. Ugh, it'll take a while to look for a good one like this ):

12214.) i can't believe how much i miss you. even after a day, an hour, a minute, being away from you drives me insane.

12221.) I never say no to my family, but they always say no to me.

12225.) I guess I don't really like you after all. I just miss the talks we use to have, and I still long for them to come back.

To one o'them heroes over there.

12249.) wish I had a passion for reading. People around me find it so thrilling to pick up a book and have a good read but I just can't do it. I don't know what it is, but I wish books could interest me.

Ahahaha. Vicky: "I want to read !"

Made me laugh.

12271.) Your texts and cute nicknames you call me make me smile.

To the one and only, Vicky ~

12281.) I don't need everyone to think I'm hot or sexy. I just want one person to think I'm beautiful.

12285.) What I hate is, even though how much i try not to think about what others are thinking, more often that not, I still care what other people think about me.

12309.) I'm human...so I'm allowed to make mistakes. I hope you understand that.

12318.) I don't think I'm good enough. I'm not pretty enough for the guy I love to love me back, I'm not smart enough to make my parents happy, I'm not funny or witty enough to get the good kind of attention. I'm just not good enough...

This is what I'm thinking about...half the time I'm alone and have time to think.

12321.) When I'm with you I feel invincible, I feel as if I can do anything. That is how special you are.

12336.) I'm starting to think that maybe someone might love me, for who I am, not for how I look ,big or small, or what I have accomplished or haven't, and I am ok with that.

i'm not mean

12349.) I think that if you wanted to call me your dream girl, and say I meant oh so much to you, you should have learned to pronounce my name before you fucked me in the backseat of your car.

 but this made me laugh. well, chuckle.

12364.) It's silly and impossible, but I know I'm never going to give up on trying to be perfect.

12371.) i always think about what it would be like if i were to date you.

"how it would feel for you to wrap your arms around me, or to kiss me on the forehead. and when i do, i get hardcore butterflies, and it feels like its actually happening. i’ve never fallen this hard for someone i barely know. but i can’t help it, it just feels right."

Day 70

Today is Thursday. Still not Friday yet, darn it. SO, I have sorta "loads" to say. I was going to update yesterday but I was kinda exhasted and...ran out of time ? Something like that. So, I'll update for today and yesterday, I guess. I'll see what I can remember. Major stuff, obviously. Not too keen on the minor details but I'll try (:

November 18th, 2009

So it was a Wednesday. One of them days that I really don't like 'cause I don't get home til 6 and not of my own free will. Boohoo. But miraculously, I forgot my ID for the hospital so I had a reasonable excuse to not go. I had to call in, of course. But, moving on.

That morning was...kind of blecky, I think. I actually went to English for once, had the best nap ever in AP Bio, understood Calculus, and luckily I didn't have to go for testing in P.E. Saved by the bell, literally. Though my day started getting icky right before lunch. The elevators took forever on one of those days where I'm extremely hungry. I get to the cafe with 15 minutes to spare and the lady gives me a bitchy attitude 'cause the machine was busted and I swiped twice. Then something in USH happened, I forgot what. That was a brief summary. Now for some "major" details.

P.E. was good. I didn't do anything to sweat today, YAY. The seniors had to sit outside the room 'cause they did testing the day before when we all had lab. Lucky duckies ): During stretching and warm-ups, when he walked in, I noticed his hair looked a t a d bit different. I'm going to assume he got a haircut. I think that much is obvious. So, as we continued warm-ups, it seemed like we were stealing glances at each other. From time to time, our eyes met but I only held the gaze for a millisecond-or maybe a whole second-before I looked away in embarrassment. I was going to motion to him and ask if he did get a haircut, but I didn't want to look like a fool, as usual.

My group was about to go up-the last group of the day-but with only 5 minutes left in the period, we were lucky and off the hook for the day. As soon as she dismissed us, the senior, aka Peach ('cause I can't think of shit at this time. I like peaches, got a problem ?), flew out of the gym with Rodney. I went down the other staircase and I thought I was pretty slow. Rodney is like a track dude, so I assumed they were both down on the third  floor before I was. But when I reached the third floor, Peach was just slipping through the crack left by the slightly opened door. Once I reached the hallway, I think I made a lot of noise, Peach and Rodney turned back to see who it was. Rodney greeted me and waited for me to catch up. I thought Peach would too, but instead, he just walked on ahead-faster too. I was a tad bit saddened by this. I was actually going to start a convo with him-it was a perfect opportunity ! But he just had to walk away before I had a chance. Ah, well-moving on.

That was sort of it for the day. It would've been longer if I had gone to volunteer-woo, loads to bitch about-but I forgot my ID, so I got a break from that. I bumped into Triple L on my way to Dekalb and decided to stay with them for a few minutes before going home. I felt so unproductive at home and ended up doing/starting/finishing my Calc homework at 5 in the morning. And studying for that AP Bio test, which I promise you, was okay. It wasn't incredibly hard like, "OHMYGOD I DIDN'T GET A THING." It was more like, "Okay, I think I go the majority right, I should be good." My short answers were killer, I'll tell ya that much.

I guess at this point, I transition into my November 19th, 2008 post. Nothing much happened today, really. I got tested in P.E., I think I passed. My AP Bio test was okay ? The teacher really thinks I need help. I think I do too, with Calc. I think if I get Calc then I'll be able to focus on other things like AP Bio. Like I said before, (I think) USH is my best subject so far. That's a bit sad. But it means I'm passing that class. Yay.

Today was another afternoon with Triple L. I had to go back to VS 'cause my merchandise was damaged, and I had to exchange. Afterwards we ate at Pizza Hut and Coldstones for dessert. For the record, this was all in the Atlantic Terminal near my school. It was great...bonding time ? I'd just say chilling time, but whatevs. Oh, now I have stomach problems, THANKS YA DOUCHE.

Anywhos. Because it's almost 1AM and I have yet to start my homework, I'm gonna get off, sleep, and do my hw. I only have math and USH anyways-piece o' cake, right ): ? Hopefully.




A new album came out for BOF; the Luxury Edition. It has the acoustic version for "Because I'm Stupid" by Kim Hyun Joong. you m ay remember him. I love his voice, end of story. So, obviously, I am obsessed with the song. It makes me think, it makes me cry. But I love it. Also "Blue Tomorrow" by Super Junior M.

I am totally not a fangirl.

I think there was more that I had wanted to say...but it's getting late, so I guess that's all for now.

G'nights .

-AK.

12404.) I'm terrifed of so many things - but when I get right down to it, my future is what I'm most afraid of.

12406.) I have an image of myself in my head which I aim to become. Although, whilst trying to become this character, I realise I will never be special or good enough to achieve this. I guess I role play as this character in my head to escape the constant feeling of being inadequate.

12428.) Every time I read on of these secrets about people who are in love but are too terrified to tell the person, it scares me. If someone was in love with me, I would want to know. Love shouldn't be a secret.

This one made me feel hypocritical.

12439.) I want to tell you that "I like you." I want you to hold me in your arms. I wish I were brave. Every Thursday and every Sunday it gets harder to see you, and not like you even more. I can't stop thinking about you. I can't stop thinking that nothing will ever happen between us. I can't stop thinking.

Change the Thursday and Sunday to...four days a week, I think it was.

12467.) I hate you. I hate the way you're so perfect in every way. I hate the way you give me butterflies in my heart just when I think about you and you're beautiful smile. Most of all, I hate the fact that you've made me fall in love with you. I didn't fall for you, you tripped me.

I like the last sentence ~

12492.) I hate it when every asshole jock at school thinks just because they play sports and are tall or whatever that they are better than everyone else. They can go eff themselves.

I laughed. Again.

12518.) I feel like sometimes you notice me the way I notice you. But you’ll never know and that is what’s making me shatter inside.

Semi-happy. Semi-sad ? I feel more the happy tho.

12549.) When I found you staring at me, my heart skipped a beat. I never knew I was so infatuated with you. Maybe it’s was the CHEMISTRY in the room. <3

Moving onto some more happier secrets ~

12559.) I’ve noticed you haven’t been online for over a week. We haven’t actually spoken in a long time though, but I just miss seeing your name on my screen. I hope when you’re next on I can build up the courage to tell you how I really feel… or just say hi.

This one somehow makes me feel...pathetic ):

12581.) I hate it when I see depressed people "hinting" at their issues.

"I see it with my friends and with friends of friends. It makes me upset because it just seems that they really only want attention. They cry, scream, and cut because they want everyone to notice them. But I think the real reason that I hate them and their “hinting” is because I wish I was strong enough to do the same.
I’ve been so depressed within myself for so long. I will never tell my friends this, and as a result I feel alone. They don’t know the real me, how I truly feel inside. They all think I’m normal and calm, but I feel so confused and empty all the time. It’s gotten to the point where I have too many issues; I can’t share one without sharing all of them.
At least those people that hint will eventually have someone notice their pain and receive help…. I’m just trapped."

NOT written by me.

12583.) i miss you. i wanna see you, hug you hi and goodbye, laugh at every one of your jokes, and forget about everything. and we're not even dating.

12592.) I guess forever is a lot shorter nowadays.

12612.) Your hair looks like a bird's nest. I hate it. You need to chop that Asian fro off, before I do it for you.

This one made me laugh, out loud. My mom's now yelling at me for not doing homework ):

12657.) Theres nothing that I want more than you. I wish it would just happen.

12670.) I don't think I'm good at anything. I still have no idea what I'm here for. I'm so nervous I'll never be successful at anything, my paranoia is taking me over in the form of panic-attacks. I'm afraid I'll never figure myself out. I'm afraid I'll miss my destiny, and feel confused and afraid for the rest of my life.

12714.) I wish you thought I was the right one to let in.

This can be seen in two ways, from my POV for myself and from someone else's POV.

I don't know, that's my opinion.

12713.) I deal with your bull every day. Can't you just once, only once, let me try and tell you how I feel? Just give me that, and I promise to deal with whatever else you have for me.

To my lovely family.

12732.) You make my heart smile.

Yay, another one.

12757.) i'm a coward. there are so many things i wish to be doing with my life, yet i'm too afraid to grab at them. i guess i'm really afraid of rejection.

Instead of making separate posts, maybe I should put 'em all in one and make notes...but I find one every...2 minutes. And they're all around a different main idea. Maybe I should stick to this, no ?

12762.) You always makes me me so fucking stupid and insignificant. Then all you ever say is that you're sorry and don't mean it.

Here's another one. Dedicated to you-know-who. 'Cept that person don't say sorry. Ever.

12763.) Everytime I see you, I can't help but smile. And everytime, that smile fades when reality comes back because I remember "I have no chance with him."

Aw, look. Vicky got me addicted to that site ): -sigh- it's kinda fun tho ;x ! Some stuff on it is pretty...interesting (:

Although maybe I should put the thing IN my post instead of in the title. That, or change my layout-WHICH I HAVE NO TIME FOR. Or I'm lazy :X It's mostly no time tho :/

Day 68

A Tuesday. not much to say, really... Tuesdays are usually thee MOST BORING AND DULL AND SLOW day of the week for me. Tuesdays just aren't my thing. Maybe it's the fact that I have lab and no gym. Maybe it's the fact that it's after a Monday, I don't know. I just know it sucks ass.

Maybe 'cause I went to sleep late last night and I took some cough medicine, but I overslept this morning. I was supposed to get up at around 6 or before that so I can leave the house by 6:30-my dad wasn't driving today-but I woke up at 6:30, the time i was supposed to leave. Whatta genius, right ? So I was rushing like mad. The train ride was okay, I guess. I got to school by 7:30-not the time I was planning on, but what can I do about it ?

School was lame, no joke. I skipped English(OHMYGOD, SO BAD) 'cause my teacher was such a bitch yesterday and we had homework so, I aint going. Then I took a nice little nap in AP Bio and it was heaven. Although the problem is, I have a test on Thursday...must study. AP Calc was okay ? I got the homework. I get the classwork. Let's hope I pass the test. He says, "It will be infinitely harder" -insert attempted accent here- Yea...I'm scared. And it's before Thanksgiving ! How delightful. Lab was kinda boring. Other than the discussion of the unsolved case of Micheal Irving, it was pointless. We didn't even "finish" the lab and everyone was forced to take it home. Now, if I forget it next week, it's a zero. Yaaay. Physics was fun. I got the stuff we're doing ! Then lunch and me phasing out in USH.

That wraps up my school day. I went to SoHo with Triple L today. It was fun, kinda. Like it wasn't ORGASM fun, but it was enjoyable. Spending time with Louise (and Thomas) was nice. I was supposed to go with Veronica today, but due to a Physics test tomorrow (which I wish her luck on), she couldn't come. I was going to go straight home, but...sales call. I'm such a girl ): But we went shopping (again, for me) and I was happy-I came prepared !

SO I go on home and I feel like such a good girl. I didn't touch my computer until my dad told me to do something for him. Then I got attracted to...stuff. But I got home at...almost 6 ? And I cleaned up EVERYTHING. I feel so organized compared to Monday and...it feels nice to know where stuff is, ya know ? I can't be a total neat freak though. Sometimes when I'm uber neat, I forget where I place things. I hate that. I also hate that my parents complain about my being messy sometimes. I mean, it's not my fault. And most of the time it aint even that messy ! But yar. Other than that, I did my freakin' English hw. Well, a part of it. And I didn't more than half of my USH hw, which I need to finish now. I need to start my Calc, which I think I can get. I can totally do this.

How I'm feeling at the moment ? A bit icky. It's like...kind of hard to explain. Let's just say...I shouldn't be curious. Yea, that's it. Sorta. I just don't know why people don't say things to my face. I mean, if it's about me, it if has something to do with me, then spit it out. If I'm just sitting around and fucking guessing and waiting, then screw it. Not worth my valuable time.

That was a tid bit of ranting. I also feel a tad bit down 'cause I didn't see him, AT ALL. But what I realized today was that one of his friends has the same lunch period as me. It's kinda weird and I feel like a total stalker but I see his friends everywhere, around school, after school, but I never ever see him except in my ONE class that I have with him. Oh, darn. "Let's step it up, Angela ! Don't waste no time !" Yea...that's what I'm thinking. That's why a small part of me doesn't want this year to end just yet. hat means he'll be gone. But, what can I do ? Make myself noticeable.

But with school and shit and college stuff somewhere around the corner, I can't wait til this fucking year ends. It's been so stressful and it's only November. God help me when finals come around. That's what a bigger part of me feels. I just want summer to come. I just want to let loose and forget everything school-related. This might make me a tad bit "suicidal" but I have wondered: "What would it be like to die ? Would it really affect people ? (Certain people, obviously, but hardly others) It'd be nice, I wouldn't have to worry about shit. But then...I'd never see my loved ones ever again." That last thought got me to stop thinking about it. Just that last thought made me so sad...it's unbearable so I thought...I should stop thinking about it. Besides, I'd "talk" about it, sure, but I'd never have the guts to do it. It's just...pointless (what I think when I'm in the right state of mind).

So that's my bit for today. It's 11:30-ish, getting late. I just woke up form a nap before writing this post. I feel tired. And I have my beloved homework waiting for me. SO...until tomorrow ? Maaybe. Aw, darn I have volunteer...and I wanted to get home early and nap ); ! Oh well.

Good nights ~

"nothing but grey skies
and broken promises,
that's all you gave me.
so i packed up the memories
they're all by the door-
along with all the gifts that you gave.
no words you can tell me-
i've heard it before.
so there's nothing left that you can say.
i'm sick of the dark side of love."

if i never met you; claude kelly

12332.) I fucking love my bestfriend. But the problem is, we're both girls.

from Vicky Qian. Damn, is she awesome (: ♥

Day 67 - random update.

I dislike homework. I dislike stress. I dislike feeling extremely tired and icky. Hey, I dislike loads of things, deal. Here's my update after...what was it ? A week or so ? And I'm a total bitch, I know. But oh well, I don't have anything nice to say lately, so bitchy I will be.

School, I don't really want to talk about too much. I just got back my Calc test today, and I'm so fucking disappointed. I took 3 hours studying for this shit, made a nice thorough review sheet, knew the damn formulas and processes to get to the answer and everything and I'm a couple of points way from passing. How lovely. I'm just so mad at myself. Why can't I fucking pass ? Why am I such a damn failure ? Ah, if only I had the answers to these questions. It's not just Calc, it's also my other AP-Bio. We had a quiz last week and I was sure I did OK. But NOO, the teacher was walking around showing us our grades on the scantrons and he said to multiply the little red number by five to get our score out of 100. I got a 7. Multiply by 5 and you get WHAT !? Yea, that's my score.

So, school is perfectly dandy, dont'cha think ? I think so. I feel oh-so positive lately. Sike. But then again, I think I am a tad bit more positive than that...other week. The last week or so of October ? Remember that brief time period that I went crazy ? Yea, don't want that happening again. Although when I think about next year and colleges and all that jazz, I just feel so...insecure ? Scared ? Something along those lines. I try not to think about it, but it is the near future-you just can't help but think about it.

So that's my little bit. Let's move on to some less depressing stuff, shall we ? Today...what did I do today ? OH YES, after failing, I had P.E. There's no progress, sadly. After a couple of little episodes in volleyball, that little episode at the volleyball game-when we finally "talked" in person-nothing much happened. Nowadays it's just me...dreaming and trying to get the timing right. Unfortunately, I have no such luck. I think I should just be more...outspoken ? No, that's not the word, I think it's outgoing ? Yea, that. Instead of thinking how awkward/weird it is, I should just take action, no ? Ha. I say all this now but I guarantee I won't follow up with what I say. Very bad, in my opinion. But still, I can't help but dream and wonder...loads of stuff.

LATELY, I've been feeling uber girly and "feminine." Maybe it's just me and a phase, but I don't know.
 It feels a bit odd and VAIN at times, but I kind of like it. I mean, I aint the prettiest girl out there, I aint the skinnest, I probably aint the fittest-although I admit, I think I'm pretty buff ~ minus a lot of flab T^T - and all that, but sometimes I can't help but feel pretty or WANT to feel pretty at times. It's a girl thing, yo. Vicky totally agrees-SHE KNOWS IT ! Although I must improve my...taste for certain things.

We went shopping in SoHo today ~ ! Three different stores and I spent less than $30, it's amazing. But the thing is they were little trinkets. H&M: earrings, studs kinda things. UniQulo: a cotton shirt. Victoria's Secret: Some body mist thingy Vicky recommended. It smells niiice ~ It was fun though, we camwhored a lot. More than usual. And she took some...shots of me that I don't really like and she won't delete them ! But there are a few nice ones, I must admit. We're oh so cool (:

Ooh, I can't wait until I go out to eat with Veronica. Man, it's been ages since I've seen that girl. I have a feeling we're gonna have fun ~

ohmygoodness. I swear my sister is being overly dramatic right now. It's like: STFU, BITCH. She's just so...uber drama-y with me now. It's not like I don't care, but she's just taking it over the edge a bit. Okay, so my dad pissed her off. Big whoop. If she knew half the shit my parents go through for her, she'd freaking understand. My dad right now has some foot/leg problems and he's in pain, right ? So he went to the doctor's today and took off and he's taking another off day tomorrow for a sick day. I guess he's resting or something. She's being uber bitchy about it though. I don't know. Yea...she needs a blog.

So, it's 11:23PM now. What to do, what to do. I have some unfinished USH hw, but that's not due until Wednesday. I did more than half of it so I guess I should just give up on it and do my other homeworks. Yea. That would make more sense. So I guess..."toodlebutts." JUST FOR YOU, VICKY.

But yea, I'm kinda exhausted, my throat hurts a bit-I think I have an infection. GOSH I HOPE NOT. But yea...I need some medicine. -looks through cabinet- Nope, nothing. I'll have to eat healthy and get loads of rest, HOPEFULLY ):

I like this picture. It kind of shows his musician side-yes, I hear he used to be in a band back in the day or something. The credits don't go to me, obviously. I did my share of looking around and "found" thing. Just for you guys ~ And no, I didn't edit it either. I give credits to the person I got this from-idk her but yea. KUDOS TO YOU ~ (I must stop)

Good night ~

-AK.

I just want to be happy.
I just want to spend my time wisely.
I just want to live my life to the fullest.
All these things can be accomplished and fulfilled,
But I'll only be satisfied
With you.

a small addition

I just thought I'd add a little something for today. I totally forgot about this until my music player started playing.

 me (11:18:43 PM): aws i forgot to add something in that post....

me (11:18:44 PM): darn

vicky (11:18:55 PM): O.o?

me (11:19:15 PM): tony had this aimt status with the aim music link thingy. and it was a bignbang song but it had korean characters so i didnt't knwo what it was. you know what i did ?

me (11:19:49 PM): i went to my albums that i bought, looked through them to match the title, popped the CD into my desktop, played it, and it took me a full minute of the song to realize what it was.

me (11:20:10 PM): aren't i so smart (:

vicky (11:20:19 PM): you would do all that jsut for one song . lol.

me (11:20:28 PM): why yes, yes i would :o

Just something random and a way to show my stupidity I think. I rarely have those on my blog, so here it is ? Yea. NOW I'm on my way to take a nice hot shower and get a start on my homework. I just realized I haven't touched it since Friday. Ooh, what a successful student I am.

Day 59 - uber long

Friday, November 6th:

I know, I haven't updated in a while. Big whoop. Didn't I say I wasn't going to update unless I either have time or something major happens ? Well, something major did happen. Make that somethingS major. I guess I should've updated half of the stuff that happened on Tuesday, but at the time I didn't think it was anything worth...worrying about. But now ? I'm uber depressed 'cause of it. (I like that word now. Uber. It sounds funny.)

Remember my quick update for last week ? Well, sort of. I remember I wanted to break last week. I felt like I was really on the verge. The sad thing is, my AP Calc teacher is constantly reminding me that there's more to come. Honestly, I don't know how much more I can take. It's just...AP -___- I know, I was extremely stupid for taking it. Gimme a break. At least I know and admit that I'm at fault here. I sort of picked myself up over the weekend and got myself together on Monday. It was awesome. I think I updated on Tuesday, so you should know. Yea. I did ! So things were going smooth, I was getting shit and I didn't feel lost. Yay me. But then Tuesday happened.

I had this...disagreement with a friend of mine. It wasn't pleasant. I was extremely offended and it skyrocketed/died from there. Now, I think we're playing the Ignoring Game. Oh, and also the Cold Shoulder Game. Yea, that's it. At first, I thought to myself, "Oh, I'll let 'em cool off, blow off some steam and everything will be dandy." Wrong. It got worse, if possible. I mean, the ignoring-ish was enough for me, but the cold shoulder just...was off the top. What I'm really ticked about it that we switched roles. I'M supposed to be the bitch, I have more reasons. What I don't get is why we switched, and I'm the hurt one here. I bet no one even fucking knows. No one fucking cares (except for those few, thankyouverymuch). I had a test in AP Bio today and I sort of finished early. I had time to think, which I hate sometimes. I was thinking deeply, then after a while I felt my eyes sting. I blinked them back and suddenly got extremely mad at myself. What was wrong with me ?

Maybe it's me but lately a lot of things-be it small or big-piss me off so bad. Small things like crowding the halls, annoyingly stupid people, smelly people, and other things like that. Big things like school, friends, family and shit are worse. I actually sort of prefer those small things instead. Remember how on Tuesday I said I was doing fine ? Yea, not anymore. After that fight, I just...it's not that I can't focus anymore. It's just that I feel like my mental block is back. Why and how ? I have no dang idea. If I did, it would never come back. Ever. I hate being confused, looking stupid and then being looked down upon. That really sets me off. If people think they're better than me, then show me. If all they do is brag, then they're no better than I am. If they're hypocrites (I know I am), then they honestly can't think they're better than me.

I have to chill. Maybe I'm just taking it all too seriously. Maybe I'm not taking it too seriously with the person I need to take it seriously with. Oooh, do I make sense to you ? Well, guess what. I'm gonna be a bitch and say I don't care. Sometimes, you gotta live like you don't care(I totally stole this from a song). Man, I wish I could. Even sometimes, I don't think I can. I think I'm just basically updating today, since most of the week is pretty much the same. Except today, there was a turning point ! What a nice way to end a Friday, I think. Thank goodness CSI club changed to Thursdays instead of Fridays-I would've died. Seriously, Wednesday and Thursday wasn't much. Oh, except I did my aerobics test on Thursday. I screwed up a couple of times but not enough to fail, I think. But that was it, really.

Today was blecky. I kind of explained most of it. That was only the morning: English, AP Bio and AP Calc. After those horrid classes though, my day got loads better. I fucking love P.E. Whoever came up with the idea of having P.E. as a course, I fucking love you. In my opinion, it's a great way to relieve stress during the school day. Hey, it works for me, so I'm glad. I'm stressed in the morning, relieve it in P.E., and go on with what's left of my day. I like. But that's not the only reason I love P.E., as you may know.

The senior dude, his group was the second to last group to go up for the test today. God, this kid is awesome. He was the first to make me laugh after Calculus. Always is, probably will be for a while(hopefully). The first time was when Coach D'Augusta was calling out names for Group 7(yes, I remembered. My floor spot was conveniently where she sat to grade the physical test and I helped he take attendance, and grade people. So, I got a good look at the clipboard thingy). The funny thing is, while looking at the clipboard, I didn't see his name. But when she called out "Morrot" I laughed. Well, chuckled. I still smiled though-that's what matters. She asked me, "Who the heck is Morrot ?" He came over and she asked him, "Is this you ?" He replied, "Yea, the pen ran out of ink when I was writing it in so it came out like that." I chuckled again and he went off to his spot while she shook her head and wrote in his name. The testing made me actually laugh out loud.

They started out nice and smooth. After a couple of steps, some people lost the beat or lost count. It wasn't too bad at first, but it got funny. The whole group messed up and his actions were so goofy-looking, I actually burst out laughing. This guy is amazing, I swear. I should come up with a nickname for him though-always referring to him as the senior dude is getting annoying to type out ): But he made me laugh, that's the point.

Brian was right. Let me get to the beginning...so one day we were leaving gym and he randomly asked me if I was single. I answered with a yes and he said, "You need to find someone who makes you happy." At first, I was thinking, "I don't need a guy to make me happy. Yet." Yes, that yet was there. I probably won't admit to him until he reads this at some random point BUT THE MAIN POINT IS, he's right. Not that I ever doubted him. I just never...thought about things that way exactly. I started thinking about it today. I have no idea why-don't ask. And I realized that while one person was causing a part of my depression and never exactly making me "happy," the senior's made me laugh numerous times. There was only one or maybe two times I got a tad bit discouraged, but those were minor(more or less). Thank you Brian, for having me see things in a different light-tis a good light (: !

Edit: I don't need someone who doesn't make me happy, I need someone who can help me be happy. He corrected me today so I wouldn't misunderstand (: I can't rely on anyone as my happiness. After he told me that, I thought back to my first relationship. I guess...in a way I get what he's saying. He's a really good advice man o.o

So, now we go to after school and that volleyball game ! It's a charity thing held by the girls' volleyball team, I think. D'Augusta said if we go and get the ticket, we don't have to do the written homework, THANKGOODNESS. It sounds like a pain. I didn't bother listening thoroughly 'cause I know I aint doing that shit. I'm going to a dang volleyball game. So then Simeon, Naomi and I all agreed to meet up at...the southeast corner of the first floor. I got there first, then Naomi. We were both wondering what took Simeon so long. Naomi was one floor above him and she got there before he did ! I mimicked what I thought he would say. It was something like this, "OH, but I'm on the North side !" He kinda came in at that moment. And I was called uber grimy by him ): EVEN THOUGH HE SAID THAT WHEN NAOMI ASKED HIM WHY IT TOOK HIM SO LONG. But yea. After that little...thing-which had me cracking up-I saw him. I saw him coming up right behind Simeon and my heart rate sort of sped up. I mean, I guess I was kind of expecting him but at the same time I didn't expect too much 'cause that'd be getting my hopes up too high. But I saw him, AND I SAID HI. In person. Well, waved. He waved back :3 I was gonna ask him if he was going to the game, but my friends sort distracted me and he walked away ):

We headed for the entrance to the gym and prepared to buy our tickets. I saw him hanging around the entrance there but he wasn't going in. I paid for my ticket and went in. After I found seats with Simeon and Naomi, I saw his friends go in, but not him. It did have me wondering where he went, but I didn't really care. I had more than what I was expecting already-it'd be too selfish to ask for more. BUT MOVING ON.

So after a couple of epic volleyball games, I met up with Vicky and we head for East Village. I was a bit hungry so we went to Otafuku and we saw THE CUTEST GUY. I'm going to assume he's Japanese 'cause he works at a original Japanese food store-not one of those fake sushi places. So, I buy some takoyaki-yummy-and Vicky and I eat outside. We told ourselves to come here every Friday we're hungry and have nothing to do. Deal. I mean, I didn't get a close look at him, but when I heard his voice I automatically knew he was a cute one. A hot one. A looker (: And we stole random glimpses of him and man, he was...yum. Mad buff too. A plus on top of a plus. After...that we went to Red Mango so that I could try the new flavor. Not all that. It was good, I admit but somehow I was expecting more after the Tangomonium. But anyways, we had our food, our time together and stuff. I was fine. Vicky seemed really down though. I hope things get better for her soon. Very soon. She has me, so that's good (:

Sunday, November 8th:

Bah, I said I wouldn't update on weekends. But that was for Friday so it doesn't count. I just...didn't continue on Friday. I kinda fell asleep and wasn't home all day on Saturday til like 1AM. I was at a family friend's house for their birthday: Cathy and Kevin ! Man, it's been too long since I've seen Cathy. She's doing well. I had fun yesterday; I let loose and forgot anything stress related for a good couple of hours. Although most of my Saturday was taken up from school, it was probably the best Saturday I've had since the school year started.

Well, that's my bit. It's 10:40PM on Sunday night. I still have to do my English, Calc and (I just found this out) US homework. It isn't too much in my opinion, I just need to stay awake. And concentrated. I can totally do this. I have to fend for myself in this jungle called...Tech.

Well, I'm out. I think I've spent enough time on this entry. I probably won't be back til something big happens, if I'm in the mood to type, or if I have time, OR if I'm somewhat depressed/mad enough to rant or something (: I'll try to have some more personal updates too.

But, for now, byebye. Good night !

-AK.

Day 54 - long update ?

Tuesday, October 27:

Yes, I've finally decided to update today. I don't update anymore on weekends cause I'm so swamped with sleep and homework. Oh well, get used to it.

ohmygod. Report cards tomorrow. The day where most juniors just want to pull their hair out, change their identities and run away. In my case and opinion, anyway. It's been a couple of days since I've updated. I sort of have a good reason for that. No, I was not all that lazy this time. Weekends are dull and pretty much the same all the time-it'd be a waste of effort and lecturing from my parents so no updates on weekends unless something REALLY interesting happens. As for Monday ? Well, it was a Monday. I wanted to update but I didn't have the time while trying to finish my U.S. homework. I volunteer on Mondays and Wednesdays now so I won't be home until around 6 or 7 those two days. Preferably 6 or 6:30.

Well, Monday was an okay day I suppose. Nothing really interesting. Just me being really stupid. I had so many opportunities, but I didn't take them, or I was too late. I swear I only realize these opportunities AFTER they've happened. How gay. <-I been saying that a lot nowadays. But yea, it just gets so frustrating. I wonder when I'll have the freaking chance to do it again. Oh well, one can dream. I am currently battling a stuffy nose at 6AM in the morning. I need to hurry and finish my US homework, 'cause I gotta leave by 6:30-ish today. My dad aint driving me, so I gotta go to school alone :[

Present day:

That was from last week, as you can see. I didn't have much time to update. I spent most of the week doing homework and away from my computer. Kind of odd, right ? Ah, well. I think that last paragraph was on...Tuesday. It was the day before I got my report card. Oh ! Guess what. I failed Calculus. I hope I do better next MP, seriously. That one double-period AP dragged my grade down so bad, it's not funny. But you know what's stupid ? I start getting things just last week.

During classes, I followed everything-more or less. When I was doing my AP Bio homework this weekend, I actually got the shit I was writing. I understood the questions, more or less. And Calculus ? Well, I'm not getting my hopes up just yet. I'll see how the rest of the week goes. I feel like such a nerd in USH, writing down almost everything my teacher lectures. That's the point though, I guess. Better a nerd than a failure. Physics...I guess I kind of get the stuff more. I feel oh so smart (: For once in my life.

I know it's been a week plus since I've updated but there aint much to say. I honestly should've wrote something down, cause I remember there was loads to update on. But I sort of forgot. I'll just write as much as I remember. LET'S START WITH MY CURRENT OBSESSIONS.

I love Big Bang's new song, Let Me Hear Your Voice (声をきかせて) It's not Korean-in Japanese. But I still like it. Lots of fans say that their Japanese sucks. But I kind of don't care ? In the song, you can't even tell. Listen to it and you'll know what I'm talking about(it's the first song in that playlist there). Read the lyrics and you'll know. I really love this song.

Sadly, I couldn't find any recent pictures of Big Bang. I was tempted to take a screenshot of the music video but it wasn't good quality. So, here's the album art of their new single instead. It's not bad. When you think about it, it fits the title of the song, I guess.

Here's an old picture of the group. I don't know why I felt like putting it here. Not a crazed fangirl, at all (: Don't label me. It's just temporary, I think. But if you watch the music video, boy, have they grown since then. I won't get into the details 'cause I might get carried away like most fangirls :P

Another song ! Love Like This by SS501. Kim Hyun Joong, if you recall him, is in this band. I was just browsing JPop Asia and I came across this song. It's the number one hit in the K-Pop section. I like it. The chorus is very catchy. But the MV sucked. That's only because their dancing isn't...up to par with Big Bang. But that's only my opinion.I just think they could have better choreography.

That's just the album cover. I'm not too sure if this is a single or a whole album. I think it might be just a single, but either way I like it :D OH ! Here's a picture of the band. I'm not too sure HOW old this one is, but it's old enough, I guess. You can see a slight difference with each band member. Can't you ? I definitely can. But that's not because I'm staring at the picture. Oh no.

I guess the main difference would be the hair o-o Hm...yea maybe that's it. And the fact that they love eyeliner in their album cover. AH well. Moving on.

So, that's two songs. Now a drama. Momo Love. No kidding. That is the title of the drama. It comes from some popular manga. I have yet to find it. It's a really cute and funny Taiwanese drama. I only saw one episode and I am drawn in. The main character, Tao Hua-or Momo, is SO DANG ADORABLE. And her love, Shi Lang, IS SO DANG HOT. I am not crazed. It's just...yea. It's an Asian drama thing. Go watch it. You'll love it if you're into those romantic comedies. I guarantee it. If not, then there's something wrong with you, not me ):

Her older brothers are hilarious. The four eldest ones are all handsome, talented, and wealthy. The fifth brother was less fortunate and he's supposed to be watching over Momo and everything. He's hilarious, poor thing. But it's a new drama, only three episodes out. In a way that's good. I never have time for dramas and I only saw the first episode today. I don't think I should lag far behind if I just find the time...

I don't think there's much to update on anymore. Maybe there is but my poor memory allowed it to escape me. Oh, darn. So I guess I should go finish that AP Bio hw. I'll get back if I remember anything important ? Yea...now, hw time ); !

And I'm out !


-AK.

OHMYGOODNESS. Day 52

Damn, it's been a week plus since I've updated. I have a perfectly good reason for that..................no I don't. But I needs to do my chores now, so I'll be back later today or Tuesday. Tuesday = no school. Loads of time to update, si ? SI !

Oh, I started writing again. Oh dear, someone help me. Don't let me get sucked in my work ): and have me focus on school ? Yea, I'll try my best.

Toodles ~

-AK.