Day 59 - uber long

Friday, November 6th:

I know, I haven't updated in a while. Big whoop. Didn't I say I wasn't going to update unless I either have time or something major happens ? Well, something major did happen. Make that somethingS major. I guess I should've updated half of the stuff that happened on Tuesday, but at the time I didn't think it was anything worth...worrying about. But now ? I'm uber depressed 'cause of it. (I like that word now. Uber. It sounds funny.)

Remember my quick update for last week ? Well, sort of. I remember I wanted to break last week. I felt like I was really on the verge. The sad thing is, my AP Calc teacher is constantly reminding me that there's more to come. Honestly, I don't know how much more I can take. It's just...AP -___- I know, I was extremely stupid for taking it. Gimme a break. At least I know and admit that I'm at fault here. I sort of picked myself up over the weekend and got myself together on Monday. It was awesome. I think I updated on Tuesday, so you should know. Yea. I did ! So things were going smooth, I was getting shit and I didn't feel lost. Yay me. But then Tuesday happened.

I had this...disagreement with a friend of mine. It wasn't pleasant. I was extremely offended and it skyrocketed/died from there. Now, I think we're playing the Ignoring Game. Oh, and also the Cold Shoulder Game. Yea, that's it. At first, I thought to myself, "Oh, I'll let 'em cool off, blow off some steam and everything will be dandy." Wrong. It got worse, if possible. I mean, the ignoring-ish was enough for me, but the cold shoulder just...was off the top. What I'm really ticked about it that we switched roles. I'M supposed to be the bitch, I have more reasons. What I don't get is why we switched, and I'm the hurt one here. I bet no one even fucking knows. No one fucking cares (except for those few, thankyouverymuch). I had a test in AP Bio today and I sort of finished early. I had time to think, which I hate sometimes. I was thinking deeply, then after a while I felt my eyes sting. I blinked them back and suddenly got extremely mad at myself. What was wrong with me ?

Maybe it's me but lately a lot of things-be it small or big-piss me off so bad. Small things like crowding the halls, annoyingly stupid people, smelly people, and other things like that. Big things like school, friends, family and shit are worse. I actually sort of prefer those small things instead. Remember how on Tuesday I said I was doing fine ? Yea, not anymore. After that fight, I just...it's not that I can't focus anymore. It's just that I feel like my mental block is back. Why and how ? I have no dang idea. If I did, it would never come back. Ever. I hate being confused, looking stupid and then being looked down upon. That really sets me off. If people think they're better than me, then show me. If all they do is brag, then they're no better than I am. If they're hypocrites (I know I am), then they honestly can't think they're better than me.

I have to chill. Maybe I'm just taking it all too seriously. Maybe I'm not taking it too seriously with the person I need to take it seriously with. Oooh, do I make sense to you ? Well, guess what. I'm gonna be a bitch and say I don't care. Sometimes, you gotta live like you don't care(I totally stole this from a song). Man, I wish I could. Even sometimes, I don't think I can. I think I'm just basically updating today, since most of the week is pretty much the same. Except today, there was a turning point ! What a nice way to end a Friday, I think. Thank goodness CSI club changed to Thursdays instead of Fridays-I would've died. Seriously, Wednesday and Thursday wasn't much. Oh, except I did my aerobics test on Thursday. I screwed up a couple of times but not enough to fail, I think. But that was it, really.

Today was blecky. I kind of explained most of it. That was only the morning: English, AP Bio and AP Calc. After those horrid classes though, my day got loads better. I fucking love P.E. Whoever came up with the idea of having P.E. as a course, I fucking love you. In my opinion, it's a great way to relieve stress during the school day. Hey, it works for me, so I'm glad. I'm stressed in the morning, relieve it in P.E., and go on with what's left of my day. I like. But that's not the only reason I love P.E., as you may know.

The senior dude, his group was the second to last group to go up for the test today. God, this kid is awesome. He was the first to make me laugh after Calculus. Always is, probably will be for a while(hopefully). The first time was when Coach D'Augusta was calling out names for Group 7(yes, I remembered. My floor spot was conveniently where she sat to grade the physical test and I helped he take attendance, and grade people. So, I got a good look at the clipboard thingy). The funny thing is, while looking at the clipboard, I didn't see his name. But when she called out "Morrot" I laughed. Well, chuckled. I still smiled though-that's what matters. She asked me, "Who the heck is Morrot ?" He came over and she asked him, "Is this you ?" He replied, "Yea, the pen ran out of ink when I was writing it in so it came out like that." I chuckled again and he went off to his spot while she shook her head and wrote in his name. The testing made me actually laugh out loud.

They started out nice and smooth. After a couple of steps, some people lost the beat or lost count. It wasn't too bad at first, but it got funny. The whole group messed up and his actions were so goofy-looking, I actually burst out laughing. This guy is amazing, I swear. I should come up with a nickname for him though-always referring to him as the senior dude is getting annoying to type out ): But he made me laugh, that's the point.

Brian was right. Let me get to the beginning...so one day we were leaving gym and he randomly asked me if I was single. I answered with a yes and he said, "You need to find someone who makes you happy." At first, I was thinking, "I don't need a guy to make me happy. Yet." Yes, that yet was there. I probably won't admit to him until he reads this at some random point BUT THE MAIN POINT IS, he's right. Not that I ever doubted him. I just never...thought about things that way exactly. I started thinking about it today. I have no idea why-don't ask. And I realized that while one person was causing a part of my depression and never exactly making me "happy," the senior's made me laugh numerous times. There was only one or maybe two times I got a tad bit discouraged, but those were minor(more or less). Thank you Brian, for having me see things in a different light-tis a good light (: !

Edit: I don't need someone who doesn't make me happy, I need someone who can help me be happy. He corrected me today so I wouldn't misunderstand (: I can't rely on anyone as my happiness. After he told me that, I thought back to my first relationship. I guess...in a way I get what he's saying. He's a really good advice man o.o

So, now we go to after school and that volleyball game ! It's a charity thing held by the girls' volleyball team, I think. D'Augusta said if we go and get the ticket, we don't have to do the written homework, THANKGOODNESS. It sounds like a pain. I didn't bother listening thoroughly 'cause I know I aint doing that shit. I'm going to a dang volleyball game. So then Simeon, Naomi and I all agreed to meet up at...the southeast corner of the first floor. I got there first, then Naomi. We were both wondering what took Simeon so long. Naomi was one floor above him and she got there before he did ! I mimicked what I thought he would say. It was something like this, "OH, but I'm on the North side !" He kinda came in at that moment. And I was called uber grimy by him ): EVEN THOUGH HE SAID THAT WHEN NAOMI ASKED HIM WHY IT TOOK HIM SO LONG. But yea. After that little...thing-which had me cracking up-I saw him. I saw him coming up right behind Simeon and my heart rate sort of sped up. I mean, I guess I was kind of expecting him but at the same time I didn't expect too much 'cause that'd be getting my hopes up too high. But I saw him, AND I SAID HI. In person. Well, waved. He waved back :3 I was gonna ask him if he was going to the game, but my friends sort distracted me and he walked away ):

We headed for the entrance to the gym and prepared to buy our tickets. I saw him hanging around the entrance there but he wasn't going in. I paid for my ticket and went in. After I found seats with Simeon and Naomi, I saw his friends go in, but not him. It did have me wondering where he went, but I didn't really care. I had more than what I was expecting already-it'd be too selfish to ask for more. BUT MOVING ON.

So after a couple of epic volleyball games, I met up with Vicky and we head for East Village. I was a bit hungry so we went to Otafuku and we saw THE CUTEST GUY. I'm going to assume he's Japanese 'cause he works at a original Japanese food store-not one of those fake sushi places. So, I buy some takoyaki-yummy-and Vicky and I eat outside. We told ourselves to come here every Friday we're hungry and have nothing to do. Deal. I mean, I didn't get a close look at him, but when I heard his voice I automatically knew he was a cute one. A hot one. A looker (: And we stole random glimpses of him and man, he was...yum. Mad buff too. A plus on top of a plus. After...that we went to Red Mango so that I could try the new flavor. Not all that. It was good, I admit but somehow I was expecting more after the Tangomonium. But anyways, we had our food, our time together and stuff. I was fine. Vicky seemed really down though. I hope things get better for her soon. Very soon. She has me, so that's good (:

Sunday, November 8th:

Bah, I said I wouldn't update on weekends. But that was for Friday so it doesn't count. I just...didn't continue on Friday. I kinda fell asleep and wasn't home all day on Saturday til like 1AM. I was at a family friend's house for their birthday: Cathy and Kevin ! Man, it's been too long since I've seen Cathy. She's doing well. I had fun yesterday; I let loose and forgot anything stress related for a good couple of hours. Although most of my Saturday was taken up from school, it was probably the best Saturday I've had since the school year started.

Well, that's my bit. It's 10:40PM on Sunday night. I still have to do my English, Calc and (I just found this out) US homework. It isn't too much in my opinion, I just need to stay awake. And concentrated. I can totally do this. I have to fend for myself in this jungle called...Tech.

Well, I'm out. I think I've spent enough time on this entry. I probably won't be back til something big happens, if I'm in the mood to type, or if I have time, OR if I'm somewhat depressed/mad enough to rant or something (: I'll try to have some more personal updates too.

But, for now, byebye. Good night !

-AK.