Day 68

A Tuesday. not much to say, really... Tuesdays are usually thee MOST BORING AND DULL AND SLOW day of the week for me. Tuesdays just aren't my thing. Maybe it's the fact that I have lab and no gym. Maybe it's the fact that it's after a Monday, I don't know. I just know it sucks ass.

Maybe 'cause I went to sleep late last night and I took some cough medicine, but I overslept this morning. I was supposed to get up at around 6 or before that so I can leave the house by 6:30-my dad wasn't driving today-but I woke up at 6:30, the time i was supposed to leave. Whatta genius, right ? So I was rushing like mad. The train ride was okay, I guess. I got to school by 7:30-not the time I was planning on, but what can I do about it ?

School was lame, no joke. I skipped English(OHMYGOD, SO BAD) 'cause my teacher was such a bitch yesterday and we had homework so, I aint going. Then I took a nice little nap in AP Bio and it was heaven. Although the problem is, I have a test on Thursday...must study. AP Calc was okay ? I got the homework. I get the classwork. Let's hope I pass the test. He says, "It will be infinitely harder" -insert attempted accent here- Yea...I'm scared. And it's before Thanksgiving ! How delightful. Lab was kinda boring. Other than the discussion of the unsolved case of Micheal Irving, it was pointless. We didn't even "finish" the lab and everyone was forced to take it home. Now, if I forget it next week, it's a zero. Yaaay. Physics was fun. I got the stuff we're doing ! Then lunch and me phasing out in USH.

That wraps up my school day. I went to SoHo with Triple L today. It was fun, kinda. Like it wasn't ORGASM fun, but it was enjoyable. Spending time with Louise (and Thomas) was nice. I was supposed to go with Veronica today, but due to a Physics test tomorrow (which I wish her luck on), she couldn't come. I was going to go straight home, but...sales call. I'm such a girl ): But we went shopping (again, for me) and I was happy-I came prepared !

SO I go on home and I feel like such a good girl. I didn't touch my computer until my dad told me to do something for him. Then I got attracted to...stuff. But I got home at...almost 6 ? And I cleaned up EVERYTHING. I feel so organized compared to Monday and...it feels nice to know where stuff is, ya know ? I can't be a total neat freak though. Sometimes when I'm uber neat, I forget where I place things. I hate that. I also hate that my parents complain about my being messy sometimes. I mean, it's not my fault. And most of the time it aint even that messy ! But yar. Other than that, I did my freakin' English hw. Well, a part of it. And I didn't more than half of my USH hw, which I need to finish now. I need to start my Calc, which I think I can get. I can totally do this.

How I'm feeling at the moment ? A bit icky. It's like...kind of hard to explain. Let's just say...I shouldn't be curious. Yea, that's it. Sorta. I just don't know why people don't say things to my face. I mean, if it's about me, it if has something to do with me, then spit it out. If I'm just sitting around and fucking guessing and waiting, then screw it. Not worth my valuable time.

That was a tid bit of ranting. I also feel a tad bit down 'cause I didn't see him, AT ALL. But what I realized today was that one of his friends has the same lunch period as me. It's kinda weird and I feel like a total stalker but I see his friends everywhere, around school, after school, but I never ever see him except in my ONE class that I have with him. Oh, darn. "Let's step it up, Angela ! Don't waste no time !" Yea...that's what I'm thinking. That's why a small part of me doesn't want this year to end just yet. hat means he'll be gone. But, what can I do ? Make myself noticeable.

But with school and shit and college stuff somewhere around the corner, I can't wait til this fucking year ends. It's been so stressful and it's only November. God help me when finals come around. That's what a bigger part of me feels. I just want summer to come. I just want to let loose and forget everything school-related. This might make me a tad bit "suicidal" but I have wondered: "What would it be like to die ? Would it really affect people ? (Certain people, obviously, but hardly others) It'd be nice, I wouldn't have to worry about shit. But then...I'd never see my loved ones ever again." That last thought got me to stop thinking about it. Just that last thought made me so sad...it's unbearable so I thought...I should stop thinking about it. Besides, I'd "talk" about it, sure, but I'd never have the guts to do it. It's just...pointless (what I think when I'm in the right state of mind).

So that's my bit for today. It's 11:30-ish, getting late. I just woke up form a nap before writing this post. I feel tired. And I have my beloved homework waiting for me. SO...until tomorrow ? Maaybe. Aw, darn I have volunteer...and I wanted to get home early and nap ); ! Oh well.

Good nights ~

"nothing but grey skies
and broken promises,
that's all you gave me.
so i packed up the memories
they're all by the door-
along with all the gifts that you gave.
no words you can tell me-
i've heard it before.
so there's nothing left that you can say.
i'm sick of the dark side of love."

if i never met you; claude kelly