Day 33 - rushed update !

So sorry I lied about "tomorrow." but here I am !

Ah yes, that long awaited update. I am so sorry(VICKY) that I didn't update. It's not entirely my fault. I slept the whole time I got home yesterday. I don't even remember what happened last night...weird. But anyway, on with my update ?

I don't really want to talk about school. It's a three-day weekend today and I sort of want to stay away from school. But the only thing you need to know it that I'm failing. Horribly. I really need this three-day weekend to pick myself back up. thankgod for Columbus. Not much else, really. But the personal update's something.

So there's this new guy...who I met in my gym class. He's part of the senior class who's with our junior class, period 7 gym. He has gym five days a week and I only have it four times. I'm sort of sad cause now I can't see him until Wednesday cause I have lab on Tuesdays. Ugh ): Some people know who he is, but I won't let his name out. I don't want people stalking him then going to me and being like: "OMG, HIM !? WTF." Or something along those lines. But he's a senior, yes a senior ! And I found out he's Japanese (: I was partially right, cause he definitely did not look Chinese. Too cute. Most Chinese guys aren't what I would categorize as "cute." Maaaybe "hot" or "total nerd" but nothing else, really. Let's start from the beginning, cause I have no life and I actually remember this stuff ! I'm so proud that I'm making you all read this (:< Well, you could skip it. I'm not forcing you to...but it'd be nice to see that you care so much ):O

We had our first conversation on the first day of school, I think. Gym 8, floor spots. Our teacher, D'Augusta, was out sick so we had a sub. She put us in alphabetical order but didn't separate us by class so I didn't know it was a senior and a junior class. He came in late, I think and looked confused. I was in the back, just sitting there and minding my own business. He asked me what letter I was it and I mumbled a "K." He then sat down right in front of me. Woo. I didn't think much of him at first, really. I thought he was just some ole Asian guy-who happened to be really cute and/or adorable-in my gym class.

A week or two into our volleyball unit, we were divided into teams. The captains were picked and everyone else was allowed to go to whatever team they wished to be on, that way, no one's feelings are hurt. Coach D'Augusta made me laugh. So, I'm standing there on the side with my good volleyball friend, Simeon. We're just standing there like: "ohmygosh, which team?" The senior now, comes up to me and asks: "Do you want to join my team?" I didn't know what to say and just nodded while waving Simeon over. His team looked full but he smiled and shrugged: "Oh, he can come along too." I smiled as all three of us headed towards the team. The games themselves were horrible because I had a few icky ball-hoggers. Remember that Septemer 25th post ? Yea, that was it. The stupid Asian ball-hogger. It wasn't my senior tho, so it was good (:

It was sometime after that, that I finally found out his name. I found out through my friend and I was actually a bit surprised at the name. I was wondering if it was his actual name. Turns out it is. The thing is, it made it a lot easier for me to look for him on Facebook. I am not, by any means, a stalker. I was simply curious. So I went and added him. We just have a short little conversation on Facebook and it was time for him to get off and sleep. Ah, that was when I started my all-nighters. Did I mention I had two of them in a row ? The only thing that really kept me going was probably the coffee...or the itty bitty naps I had. What happened on Thursday really made me happy. I had no idea why but I couldn't stop thinking about it and smiling afterwards.

Thursday was just like any other day. My day only starts to fly by after AP Calculus. In my opinion, I think my gym period goes by a tad bit too fast. Ever since I added him on Facebook, I been meaning to say or wave hi in person. He knows who I am so, it should be okay, no ? But something in me won't do it. I feel too chicken to do it. Why ? This isn't like me. I should just pull myself together and just wave and smile. I guess some part of me is probably scared of him rejecting a little "hi." I tend to have that happen to me a lot. I wave, I get ignored and I feel like an idiot. Who agrees ? SO let's move onto what happened Thursday ? It was just a regular day of gym, and we interacted a bit. More than usual, I guess. So I was a tad bit happy.

The first game that day was between 4 and 6, with team 1 reffing. For the record, I'm team 4 and he's team 1 (: So it was team 4's serve-we were first, yay. I like to serve first so I get to stay in the back for as long as possible. I was serving first and team 1 was on the far right of the court, where the bleachers were. He had a choice of going to spectate on team 6's side or my team's side, but he chose my side. He was practically standing right next to me, except I was on the court and he was off the court. This time I made sure to stand off the court to serve. I remember there was this one incident where I was serving behind the black line, and not the blue line and he and his teammate were practically staring me down/observing me and pointed it out to me. That time, he was also on my side of the court, yay.

I felt so nervous. My heart was pounding. I had no idea why. It just gets me extra nervous when I'm performing and people are just...staring. Luckily, I didn't mess up too badly. Afterwards, my team had to go on the other court for testing with our serves. I was on the other side of the gym and this time, he went on my side too. A couple of glances here and there had me blushing like a little school girl. Well, I felt myself blush and burn up. I think I might be over thinking it a little bit on my end, but who cares. Near the end of class, I went to grab a volleyball and try an over head serve. Everyone was still running around, playing with the volleyballs, so I thought, why not. Amazingly, I got it over the net. The whistle was blown and everyone started to scatter as I was looking to whose head it would land on when I saw him. It turns out, that he stayed and waited to play a one-on-one with me(I think....a girl can hope, can't she ?). He had a nice(and what I thought was genuine-but I don't know)smile on his face, and made me smile too. Too bad that moment couldn't last forever. It was the highlight of my day.

My cousin and my sister says I'm fantasizing too much on this one guy. "There's no hope. You'll never get closer to him or anything, so just give up." I told them, as long as he's even a whee bit interested in me-which is what I'm thinking-I don't care. It might not last. It might not work. But for the time being, I'm happy. At least I'm somewhat set and not the confused little girl I was a couple weeks ago. I don't know...I wish they'd just let me be and let me have my fun. Honestly. I'm single. I've had my ups and downs, so I get to have some fun in my life, right ? Right. After all, we're only young once.

That's all there is to say about him, for now. There's so much more I want to say. Because of these bitches called my sister and my mother, I must get off. It's mostly my sister, actually. She thinks the computer's all hers and she can lay down the rules of when she can have it, and when I can't. It's not fucking fair. I'm the older sibling, I should be the one in charge. All she does it watch dramas all day anyways, so why the fuck should I give it to her ? This is one of the main reasons why I want a laptop. That way, I can have it all to myself. Sometimes I'm so frustrated at my parents for always taking her side, that I lock myself in my room and cry from frustration. Childish, right ? I don't care. It's better than bottling it up, which is what I used to do until I couldn't take it anymore. It actually feels better to let it all out. I just wish my parents would understand, see if from my point of view, go scold her once in a while. It's really not fair. I try my best and it's never good enough. All this frustration just makes me want to run away, sometimes.

Well, that was a bit of ranting and letting stuff out. I miss Vicky. I miss hanging out with my friends from Tech-back to the good old days, where nothing mattered and we just...chilled. It's so different and stressful now. I just hope it ends soon. Soon...

Good bye til whenever the fuck my sister lets me on.

-AK.

I still dream
About the day where we can be
With each other.
On that day
Watching a beautiful sunset.
Forever still,
The dreamer.